Malt Mechanics very unofficial home brew competition conical giveaway

[Nicholas Jones]

This one is for the guy who asked for a factory second on our facebook...

My shed is full, my brewery is suitably kitted with the latest MM wares, and it is thus that I propose a ridiculous proposition. There may be scandal, back-handers and blatant flouting of the laws, and of course I, being the sole unqualified judge will surely skew the ledger in favour of whatever I so choose fulfills my somewhat irreverent taste in beer.

I could of course sell them, and pocket a tidy sum, but wherein lies the fun? So fellow brewers I offer up not one, but 5 cone-shaped vessels in various states of operational capability, one of which could be yours all in exchange for the (saison-esque) sweat from your brow, cunningly packaged as 2 single bottles of home-brewed beer. See image attached for the 5 prizes on offer. In descending prize value from left to right, there are 2 pre-loved (clean!) 60L on the left, an unused 30L in the centre, minus take-off holes, an incomplete 30 second from right, and an early 30 I found stashed in my office this arvo. What you see is what is on offer.

The conditions are simple. Send me your beer, and I will drink it, not a mere sip, but likely the whole bottle, or both if its really good... And hence, I will rank accordingly, relying on my beer-hazed memory (this will not be a one-day judging affair) and enthusiasm of the time, and of course whatever notes I may or may not take. There will be no BJCP guidlelines, no impartiality, and no correspondence entered into, unless of course you invoke it.. Labels are fine (lion red bottles may be looked upon favorably as representative of the complexity of your character..), your name may or may not add points, a picture of your wife, your brewery or your boat may also be considered 'value-add'. Excessive yeast for harvesting is also welcome.

Entries close March 25th, or whenever I feel I have enough beer to make up for my recent lack of brewing. Entries can be posted to: Nick Jones, Indemic Ltd, Unit F, Level 2, 31a Bartley Tce, Devonport, Auckland. Should you 'win' something, freight/collect is at your cost. Post below if you intend to enter, look forward to a few laughs! I may even save some entries for a communal gathering of contestants, should I be able to exhibit such self-control...

[Nathan]

Keen.......I will make up a package this week including boat pics etc.

[Nathan]

You have beermail heading your way.....Enjoy

[Peter Smith]

I'm in...

[Paul Finney]

Ha ha! I don't mind sending some "yeast samples" up to you

[Nicholas Jones]

sounds suitably dodgy Paul!

[Cain Harland]

I will if the brew is ready/any good

[David R]

Sounds good, silly question, how do you safely send beer in the post?

[Cain Harland]

Post haste courier bag. They were the cheaper and less fussy than the others I tried, including NZ post who were the most expensive and dicks about sending glass bottles even thought they were very well packaged.

[Hugh Crozier]

and dicks about paying up when they break said well packaged bottles.

either you're fucking throwing it, or dumping a whole ton of shit on top of it, either way it was labelled fragile, and yeah that means that neither of those options were appropriate. right? right?? WRONG!!!!!!

and yes i'm still fucked off enough with the (lack of) claims process to still tell everyone about it FOUR whole years later

nz post AND courierpost: what a pack of fucking retards.

[Cain Harland]

Courier post and nz couriers both gave me a lecture about wrapping and how it was all my fault if something broke. Post haste on the other hand insured my 6 pack for much more than it was worth.

[Nicholas Jones]

Haha, nice rant Hugh, love it! I cant believe how many beers Ive had smashed in the post, also well wrapped..

[Greig McGill]

Not that I have any love for courier companies, but I will stick up for them here...

For the 2014 SOBA NHC, we had 493 entries (so 986 bottles) courier delivered from all over the country. I think we had three breakages, and one "didn't show up".

Not bad odds! There is always the odd cowboy driver, but on the whole, I think the industry is improving.